FAQ on frequent myths about sex work
i am putting together a list of the most common misconceptions and prejudices about sex work.  i plan on writing an intelligent, clear, honest response to each of them so i don't need to repeat myself every single time i encounter these misconceptions.  i don't want to just pump out sex positive propaganda but  rather really explore the concerns about sex work, acknowledging the difficult and dark potential of such work as well as the positive and richly rewarding.   i would like the help of others in this project. 

what are the negative perceptions about sex work?    what do you hear again and again that could do with clarifying? do you have secret concerns about sex work you do not voice for fear of being shot down by sex positive folk?  i want to collect a list of them and work through them one at a time, giving my perspective, that of other workers and also academic studies on the topics.  i want to honestly address these concerns. 

i am doing this because i told someone i thought was openminded and aware of sex positive ideas,  that i am training as a pro dominatrix.   his horrified, ignorant and self righteous response took me by surprise.   i thought he would understand and accept but he has been the furtherest from accepting yet. 

this got me to thinking... if he was a fly on the wall in my sessions and actually understood my life and experiences he would not react like that.  he is really responding to:

* his own personal experience of sexuality/sex work which he then projects onto me and my clients,
* cultural ideas about sex work that do not match my reality at all

in short, he is imganing that my life and work is something that it is not.  he is emotionally responding to his imagined version of my life, not my actual life. 

to get to the place i am currently at, i spent years and years exploring sexuality in a conscious and curious way.  i have studied and experienced  a multitude of different perspectives on the physical, cultural, political and spirituality of sex.   in conjunction with this i have explored the nature of consciousness and am pretty self aware.  this is over a decade of conscious study and examining and breaking through prejudices, misconceptions and figuring out exactly what i want and how i want it.  how can my previously mentioned friend be expected to instantly understand and support me?  it took me  more than10 years to get here afterall...  what is more, i have carried misconceptions about sexwork myself for some of that time.  even though i was up close to it, it took actually doing it to realise what it is really like for me...  how it really affects me on all levels...

so it is understandable  (and frustrating as hell!) that well meaning folk will misunderstand and alienate me over this chosen path.  this leaves me kinda lonely.  this means that if i want intimate friendships and relationships i have to spend a great deal of time and energy educating them, slowly and patiently again and again just so i can be accepted and understood.   exhausting!

so, its time to collect the most common misconceptions about sex work and write a comprehensive FAQ.  Something I can point at when folk get all horrified at my chosen path... here, read that.   if i do a good job i can publish it somewhere and help other sexworkers have something to point at too. 

wanna help?  leave a  comment here about the misunderstandings you have experienced or concerns you feel.  also links, points or perspectives that are sex work positive would be much appreciated.  the less reinventing of the wheel i have to do the better...

i also want you to feel free to email me privately with your concerns about sexwork at ladyavika at gmail dot com.  its only by really and honestly engaging with this topic that i can actually work out what the real concerns are... where they have merit... and where they are misunderstood.  it is an emotive topic so i request that you be respectful in your correspondance to me.  any personal attacks will not be responded to. 



coming out of the sex work closet
the muses are rattling my bones and writhing under my skin... whispering and crooning that it is time to write again... but i cannot write with any sense of power and flow if i hold back part of myself.  i cannot throttle that which is the source of so many of my experiences and fascination and still hope to have unclogged access to the mind bending, soul singing, body tingling drug that is inspiration...  if i have to hide core aspects of my being in the shadows i become a twisted version of myself...   so here it is.  this is me making my sacrifice to the muses and stepping out of the sex work closet.   i lay my bitten apples on their alter and pray that the rewards will outweigh the hardships.

while i cannot predict all the consequences, i know already from experience just how high this price is.  the constant misunderstanding, degradation, lack of respect, harrassment...  the whole chunk of the population that will now no longer want to date me... no longer want to be emotionally intimate with me... that will not see the person before them beyond their macabre fascination for my occupation...  yet i cannot move forward and be silent.   

i am an escort, courtesan, prostitute, trainee  pro dominatrix/switch, masseur, worker of tantra, healer, lover, counsillor, dancer, artist, explorer of consciousness and spiritual being.  i seek the authentic, pleasure, creative flow and deep joy of existance.  i share this as best i can with my clients and fascillitate their own connections  to authentic self, subconscious wisdom, pleasure, joy in the physical, psychological and spiritual... and yes this can sometimes be done by talking dirty and being a kinky fetish pervert.  as any esoteric path will reveal, the dark must be explored in order to truly understand the light. 

i feel deeply right on my path.  it is full of challenges and is sometimes extremely difficult but i do not feel shame when i do what i do.  my sense of integrity and honor is in place.  my sense of connection with authentic self and with my perception of authentic Life is flowing and beautiful as i practice this craft.  the only time i feel shame is from other people's perceptions of what i do...

i do not want to put myself in the firing line by saying who i am and what i do but i cannot hide it.  to hide is to feel shame.  shame is debilitating.  so i find myself grudgingly becoming a spokesperson for and educator about sex work.  i hope to be a beacon for like minded folk so i am not so isolated.  i hope to find a different kind of family and initimacy by stepping out and waving the flag so people like me, know where to find me. 

melodramatic no?  still, real enough from where i sit. 

Creativity thesis
demented fraggle
thesis on the creative process...


well i can't very well stop playing just coz i'm missing a card...
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You're almost never one brick short of a
load. Know what I'm saying? Your elevator almost always goes all the way
to the top floor. Rarely, if ever, do I have to warn you against playing with
a deck of 51 cards. So I hope you don't be offended when I say that it's
time to find that missing brick and service your elevator and buy a new
deck. In other words, you're due for your 40,000 mile check-up.


(no subject)
halarious old chum!
crap!  so full of inspiration i may very well burst.    and leave a fabulously creative blood splatter...

moving into my life
i think i would like to learn proper grammer, spelling and "correct" ways of writing.  yet another thing i have resisted because of my vehement rebellion against structure... and the emperor-card/my-father's-abusive-control-over-us-kids....  the unfolding of the healing from this last ayahausca circle is allowing me to open to a whole world previously locked away from me because of my rebellion against that shit. 

this last year of peace and happiness has allowed so much change.  i have tentatively peeked outside of the skin of my old self and found that i really like what i see here in the sunshine.  new skin now... shed the old...  the past exists and is valid in the past... but i live now.  here, i do not need to protect myself from the bearded man who caused so much pain.  he is not here.  now is free.  now is pure potential. 

red finger click
buying colour is such a strange thing... exchanging credit for lashings of magenta and cardamon yellow...  sprinkles of precious lapuz and sunburnt bronze...  spending money to own a piece of rainbow... and the right to bend it into shapes and forms that please my soul. 

this weekend is all about colour... and soup... and magic fungus hunts in the woods.    there simply must be the smell of woodfire smoke involved somewhere in there.... it wouldn't be right without it.  oh and a fluffy hat.  there has to be a fluffy hat with mis-matched scarf.  what autumn adventure would be complete without a fluffy hat?


pear shaped
red finger click
my pear was the most dismal still life in the class... yet i couldn't stop smiling.  it feels so good to create.  even if it is a limp little first attempt.  my proud little pear up on the easil shining brightly.  a symbol of so much. 

rainbow serpent hat
so i've long rattled on about the spirituality of creativity... and its importance in my life.  to create is to actively participate in the underlying energy of the universe.  to be a mini-god in the overall fractal pattern of gods that make up Life.  i don't have to be a fabulous artist or writer...  i am a happily ordinary person with pressure-free, average creative abilities.  but i do have to create art... write... or i am not being true to my whole purpose of existance.   

my journey is currently all about marrying my frequent creative outburst and gusts of dizzying inspiration with self discipline and technical skill.  to do this i am going about reprogramming my brain on a pretty deep level.  i have associated self discpline and structure with the emperor card on the tarot for so long... and carlyle, my controlling father...  male, patriarchal, beard, stern, unloving, and source of great pain and rejection.  i am reprograming my deep gut reactions so that i associate the balanced use of self discpline and structure with the incredible heart glow and satisfaction one experiences when we have achieved something... created something... done hard work and reaped the rewards... i am yet to have a physical image to associate this image with.  no doubt it will bubble up in time. 

so i've signed up to painting classes to aquire some technical skill.  i've also started working through the 12 week course outlined in "The Artist's Way".  i feel pretty brilliant about it actually.  every morning i write three pages of free association, stream of consciousness... then (this bit i added myself) 10mins of just being present and centred in meditation.  

the other cornerstone of the course is to set a  2hour artist date every week.  this is not to do art... or even go see it necessarily... no this is to "fill the well" of inspiraiton.   this is to totally indulge my inner child and play... walk the dogs with a mostache...  sit on a tram and people watch... go roll around in the ikea ball pit... paint glitter on my nails... play dress ups... go to the pub and play a character completely different to how i normally present myself... dance in the rain... roll naked on a fluffy rug....  whatever.  but its an activity that gives me energy rather than takes it.  producing art and channeling art takes energy... drains the well.  the artist's date is to replenish it in some way.  i suspect that will be fun! 

then there are a bunch of exercises to probe my psychology for blocks and generally get things flowing.  

yep.  this has got me all flushed with enthusiasm.  this is gonna do me the world of good.  for a while i have been focused on sex, love, and bizz.... have also been partying a lot... more alcohol than is good for me... these things are all good but they got out of balance.  by putting my creativity in number one slot, these other things have naturally tumbled down the list.  a way of changing without struggling.  schweeet.  

my favorite chair...  have sat in this chair to create in various forms for years... love this old chair.

a lot of this has come about since confest.  i was sitting in the holy cow cafe talking to an artist and he told me that self discipline is not the death of creativity like many seem to think.  he told me that because he has the self discipline to get up every day and work on art even though he is not feeling inspired, inspiration strikes him more often.  more self discipline = more inspiration hits.  a lightbulb went off in me at that.  i suddenly realised that structure is not the enemy.  an obvious realisation to some perhaps but a life changing one for me.  

so i am holding an internal marriage ceremony between saturn and uranus... both planets rule aquarius.  one is the rebellious freedom seeker and well of innovative imagination while the other is, well the emporer card in the tarot... structure, sensible-ness and discipline.  together , in a balanced way, can create anything... if i can pull this off, all this inspiration juice within me will be chanelled with purpose and fruit.  i can be all i am capable of being.

giving birth to madame apples
starting a new blog is a lot like a dog shaking from wet nose to tail tip, freeing its fur of fleas and clods of accumulated mud.  my focus has shifted significantly and its easier to start again than revamp the old.  new incarnation of me... new bubble... new blog.

i hope to explore my creativity here.  probably use this place to process my  inner psychology too.  writing things out helps me figure them out. 

i also hope to reach out and connect to other creative bods who understand the fickle nature of inspiraton...  and its precious rush...   the crisp, clean, heart glow one gets from pulling inspiration out of the ether and channeling it into ink... sculpture... dance... paint... dimples and butt wiggles.  perhaps we can help feed each other's fire through this medium? 

most of all i just want to explore life here. 


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