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coming out of the sex work closet
fascintator
madame_apples
the muses are rattling my bones and writhing under my skin... whispering and crooning that it is time to write again... but i cannot write with any sense of power and flow if i hold back part of myself.  i cannot throttle that which is the source of so many of my experiences and fascination and still hope to have unclogged access to the mind bending, soul singing, body tingling drug that is inspiration...  if i have to hide core aspects of my being in the shadows i become a twisted version of myself...   so here it is.  this is me making my sacrifice to the muses and stepping out of the sex work closet.   i lay my bitten apples on their alter and pray that the rewards will outweigh the hardships.

while i cannot predict all the consequences, i know already from experience just how high this price is.  the constant misunderstanding, degradation, lack of respect, harrassment...  the whole chunk of the population that will now no longer want to date me... no longer want to be emotionally intimate with me... that will not see the person before them beyond their macabre fascination for my occupation...  yet i cannot move forward and be silent.   

i am an escort, courtesan, prostitute, trainee  pro dominatrix/switch, masseur, worker of tantra, healer, lover, counsillor, dancer, artist, explorer of consciousness and spiritual being.  i seek the authentic, pleasure, creative flow and deep joy of existance.  i share this as best i can with my clients and fascillitate their own connections  to authentic self, subconscious wisdom, pleasure, joy in the physical, psychological and spiritual... and yes this can sometimes be done by talking dirty and being a kinky fetish pervert.  as any esoteric path will reveal, the dark must be explored in order to truly understand the light. 

i feel deeply right on my path.  it is full of challenges and is sometimes extremely difficult but i do not feel shame when i do what i do.  my sense of integrity and honor is in place.  my sense of connection with authentic self and with my perception of authentic Life is flowing and beautiful as i practice this craft.  the only time i feel shame is from other people's perceptions of what i do...

i do not want to put myself in the firing line by saying who i am and what i do but i cannot hide it.  to hide is to feel shame.  shame is debilitating.  so i find myself grudgingly becoming a spokesperson for and educator about sex work.  i hope to be a beacon for like minded folk so i am not so isolated.  i hope to find a different kind of family and initimacy by stepping out and waving the flag so people like me, know where to find me. 

melodramatic no?  still, real enough from where i sit. 



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This is lovely. It's a sacred path. You shouldn't feel shame.

*hugs*

thanks for the words of encouragement. its really nice to hear from you after all this time. i'm glad you are still kicking about here in LJ land.

I believe that this path is a deeply honourable and sacred one. It speaks volumes about the sickness of our society that this path is not given the respect and gratitude that it deserves. I admire you greatly!

thanks hawthorn. i have big plans... yep. i shall set up the temple of the apple yet...

Lovely to hear that you live! As for what you do, if people do not want to know you then their loss. All the very best and wonderful things with your journey lovely xx

oh yay you are about still too! thanks fo ryour encouragement.

I have missed your posts more than I can say. I love the way you delve into yourself and then share it. Gives me chills.

thanks so much for being so openly complimentary. its so very encouraging.

You're wonderful. Thank you!

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maybe you could write that book... ;)


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i don't know if it exists or not but maybe you could write the words you long to hear... so others can hear them too.

This is so fantastic and inspiring to read.

I'm only at the very early stages of my own exploration of sexuality as something creative and part of me but I started a blog awhile back to try get some of my own thoughts about it sorted here: http://niofaps.wordpress.com/ This is not a plug for it though, because I don't yet have anything especially insightful to say. I just wanted to say that I'm really inspired by your own honesty and acceptance of self.

We really need to hang out sometime soon, do creative arty things and chat! It's been way too long.

man i love those pics! truly fabulous. we should chat ideas because i am in desparate need of promotion photos...

and yes we should bloody well catch up. are you coming to voyerism performance art tonight?

also how do you find wordpress? i need to start a more work promotional site/blog thingy. not sure if i should just use a blog like place or if i should set up a proper website.

i'd love to follow what you write there... do you stream your stuff onto lj? how does one follow it if one is not a member of wordpress doovy whatsit?

Oh I'd love to help you with promotional shots! It'd be great practice for me with my shiny camera and whatnot!

I'm not coming tonight because I'm recovering from a sinus infection but also this is the first time I've had the house to myself in ages and I want some quiet time. But when might be a good time to catchup and discuss this promo shots thing too? Might be nice to do it over a cuppa tea or some such thing, I'm feeling kinda nana-ish lately, like all I want to do is drink tea, walk in gardens and make art!

As for wordpress, I really love it! I found it really easy to figure out (only took me a day or two max) and it's incredibly customization if ever I wanted to expand. It also still has a great sense of community and connectedness like LJ has but with a slightly more "professional" and "public" image and more possibilities.

In regards to following what I write... here's where my technical incompetence shows through! I've set up an "email subscription" thing in the sidebar but I have no idea about RSS feeds and such things because I haven't gotten around to that - and really need to - and will soon!

yes cuppas and art. how lovely. i'm free monday afternoon (don't start work till 5pm). same story on tuesday...

Darn - I work 10-6 Monday to Wednesday. I'm free Thursday afternoon or this weekend? (Currently trying to keep my weekends free to do creative stuff but I think a meeting over a cuppa qualifies!)

yeah maybe i could pop by on the weekend and have a chat. we shall talk creative photo stuff so that qualifies! ;)

actually i have art class on tuesday afternoons so not so good...

*hugs* ... you are amazing hun.

xxxxx

piccies? it'll be so much fun! mind you i need to buy or borrow a better corset i reckon.

Well done, brave woman.

People not respect you? I suspect you add respect to your profession more often than it reduces people's respect for you.

Good luck with your journey.

oh sweet you are still around too! thanks for the encouragement. :)

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