coming out of the sex work closet
fascintator
madame_apples
the muses are rattling my bones and writhing under my skin... whispering and crooning that it is time to write again... but i cannot write with any sense of power and flow if i hold back part of myself.  i cannot throttle that which is the source of so many of my experiences and fascination and still hope to have unclogged access to the mind bending, soul singing, body tingling drug that is inspiration...  if i have to hide core aspects of my being in the shadows i become a twisted version of myself...   so here it is.  this is me making my sacrifice to the muses and stepping out of the sex work closet.   i lay my bitten apples on their alter and pray that the rewards will outweigh the hardships.

while i cannot predict all the consequences, i know already from experience just how high this price is.  the constant misunderstanding, degradation, lack of respect, harrassment...  the whole chunk of the population that will now no longer want to date me... no longer want to be emotionally intimate with me... that will not see the person before them beyond their macabre fascination for my occupation...  yet i cannot move forward and be silent.   

i am an escort, courtesan, prostitute, trainee  pro dominatrix/switch, masseur, worker of tantra, healer, lover, counsillor, dancer, artist, explorer of consciousness and spiritual being.  i seek the authentic, pleasure, creative flow and deep joy of existance.  i share this as best i can with my clients and fascillitate their own connections  to authentic self, subconscious wisdom, pleasure, joy in the physical, psychological and spiritual... and yes this can sometimes be done by talking dirty and being a kinky fetish pervert.  as any esoteric path will reveal, the dark must be explored in order to truly understand the light. 

i feel deeply right on my path.  it is full of challenges and is sometimes extremely difficult but i do not feel shame when i do what i do.  my sense of integrity and honor is in place.  my sense of connection with authentic self and with my perception of authentic Life is flowing and beautiful as i practice this craft.  the only time i feel shame is from other people's perceptions of what i do...

i do not want to put myself in the firing line by saying who i am and what i do but i cannot hide it.  to hide is to feel shame.  shame is debilitating.  so i find myself grudgingly becoming a spokesperson for and educator about sex work.  i hope to be a beacon for like minded folk so i am not so isolated.  i hope to find a different kind of family and initimacy by stepping out and waving the flag so people like me, know where to find me. 

melodramatic no?  still, real enough from where i sit. 



?

Log in